I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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