You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
