Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
