I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize