I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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