fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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