i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My pussy is not your playground.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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