I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She bit a glass in half.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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