idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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