This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
