would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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