I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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