I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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