I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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