my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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