My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
