Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
