Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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