she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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