Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
