I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
