i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
