lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
