So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
