my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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