I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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