he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
