stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
