Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
