She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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