I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You can't special order awesome
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize