How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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