For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
