The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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