did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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