Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
