I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
