Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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