they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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