Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize