I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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