Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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