He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
