i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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