You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
