who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
