Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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