He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
