Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
