You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize