Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
