we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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