While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize