Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
