Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
