I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
