I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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