Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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