Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
