i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
