I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
