Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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