she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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