You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
