I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize