i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
