I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
