at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
