I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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